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Pierre-Luc Gagnon June 19, 2012
I’ve decided to use this blog to launch a new concept: “Tombstone beer.” At its most basic, the idea is quite simple; I crack open a beer and write an editorial on some hot topic, on whatever it is that’s been bothering, tormenting, endlessly eating away at me. For this first installment of Tombstone beers, I’m committed to critically analyzing this touching advert starring Jean Charest and his halo of divine clarity. In order to truly savour the beauty of this exercise, let’s take things sip by sip:
“Being Premier of Québec isn’t a popularity contest.”
-Really? So why run ads to boost your popularity?
“It’s the least we can say, considering the turbulent times Québec is going through.”
-To hear him speak, you’d think he were in a plane while burping garlic through a ofcouple air pockets. Hello? Quebec isn’t experiencing turbulence, it’s a social crisis you initiated and that you are arbitrarily maintaining for your own electoral gains. It’s about time your private jet lands so that you can face reality.
“Being Premier means working for all Québécois.”
-Unless you mean the thousands of Québécois who are in the streets every night. And also the voters of Argenteuil, who sent you a clear message at the beginning by storming one of your strongholds.
“It’s being able to make decisions that are often difficult, but for the long term. In other words, making responsible decisions.”
-Long term you say? And yet it took you almost two years to put in place the Charbonneu commission that was demanded by Québécois (those same Québécois whose interest you hold so dear). In spite of their demands you waited… waited… and waited… to protect your friends who financed your party and your personal success. Pure coincidence that some of the biggest names linked to the construction scandal were arrested only days before the start of a commission you so carefully and meticulously delayed. BRAVO on this dramatic turn of events – two or three more strikes to their pots and the Québécois will surely forget. Put the people to sleep for good then. In other words, to be able to make the decisions that hide those truly responsible for this crisis.
“No matter the pressure.”
The Québécois realized long ago that you’re not one to give up under pressure, Jean. You’re strong. Solid. My dad is stronger than other dads, but he’s nothing more than a teddy bear next to you. You have to be strong, with balls of steel, to look at the Québécois people, proud people, and try to sell them, straight faced, without wincing, all the bullshit in the world. If I’ve learned anything watching hockey, it’s that the worst way to beat your adversary is by humiliating them. Québec will remember this during the next elections.
“Things are never perfect.”
“And we don’t have the answers to everything.”
-Yes well I understood that watching question period on TV. Indeed, you didn’t seem to have the answers to anything. You use your allotted time to ask others questions, to pull out outdated quotes from frustrated members of the PQ, simply to discredit the official opposition and make jokes about Pauline Marois’ red patch.
“To make the right decision, we must look things squarely in the eye, for everyone, but most importantly for the next generation of Québécois.”
-It’s that generation that will be giving you a kick in the derrière once you’ve finally managed to open your infamous “electoral window,” which will most likely unfold somewhere between national protest, residual scandals brought to light by the Charbonneau commission, and a few resources sold cheap through your northern strategy.
“In politics, like in life, one needs courage, and convictions.”
-This is probably the most useless sentence I’ve heard since “these closets will cost you nothing” in Capital ads.
“I chose responsibility. I know what’s right.”
I’ve decided not to vote Liberal during the next election. I know what’s right.
Beer savoured during this first Tombstone Beer: “Orval Dark” by Black Barn Brewery
Notes: I received this beer as a gift from Etienne Turcotte, a young brewing prodigy who collaborates with the magazine Bières & Plaisirs. I had mentioned that I enjoy Brett yeasts so he wanted me to taste his “Orval Dark” (non-official name). It’s delicious; explosive in your mouth, with woodsy notes, molasses undertones and a nice dry end. Thank you!
Translated from the original French by Translating the printemps érable.
*Translating the printemps érable is a volunteer collective attempting to balance the English media’s extremely poor coverage of the student conflict in Québec by translating media that has been published in French into English. These are amateur translations; we have done our best to translate these pieces fairly and coherently, but the final texts may still leave something to be desired. If you find any important errors in any of these texts, we would be very grateful if you would share them with us at email@example.com. Please read and distribute these texts in the spirit in which they were intended; that of solidarity and the sharing of information.